Reality Lost
by ArtistHeart
Summary: When Sam loses all sense of reality in a panic attack, Dean does everything he can to bring him back. Hurt/comfort. Hurt Sam and big brother Dean. Warnings: Panic Attacks, Depersonalization


He was standing next to his brother, but he didn't know where he was. Or who he was. Or who Dean was. Dean was talking and rattling around fixing the car engine but every noise that touched Sam's ears seemed distant and jumbled. He was breathing but he didn't feel real. Nothing felt real. Nothing looked real. Who was this person he was trapped inside of? What was this life he was supposedly living? Was he imagining everything? Was he just in a coma somewhere making everything up? He needed to touch it. He needed to make sure that this "dream" was actually reality.

He reached out with a trembling hand to touch his brother's back, and suddenly hesitated. What if his hand went straight throug

h? What if it was all a mirage? He didn't want to find out. He began to panic.

Sweat dripped down his temples and soaked his shirt. His shoulders began to tremble and he felt as if he was about to pass out. He swallowed hard and attempted to take a long deep breath. He couldn't. He clenched his jaw as the tension rose in his head. He lifted his hands to wipe the sweat from his forehead, and leaned his head forward as he racked his hands through damp hair and held them there, trying desperately to shut out his thoughts.

Dean had asked Sam a question, and when he received no response he turned around. One glance at his little brother and he knew something was wrong. He dropped the wrench and gripped his brother's arms with greasy hands. "Hey man, are you okay?"

All Sam did was suck in a sharp breath of air and stifle a sob. Everything was spinning, nothing was real.

"Sammy?" Dean felt his chest tighten with concern. A minute ago his brother was fine, and now he's a mess. "Sammy talk to me, what's wrong?" He stared at his little brother, whose face was still buried in his hands. Dean could feel Sam trembling beneath his touch. What the heck was wrong with him?

Sam finally let out a thick sob, sending chills up his brother's spine. Dean hadn't heard his brother cry like that since they were little. He moved one of his hands to cup the back of Sam's neck. "Hey, hey Sammy..Shhhh. You're okay. Tell me what's wrong?"

Through deep gasps of air, Sam managed a few words..desperate for answers. "Is this...what if..." His panic grew worse and worse as his questions hung in the air, unanswered. He said, his voice shaking and this time, wreathed in sobs "scared. I'm s-scared."

Dean tried to understand what was going on, but he had no idea. "What are you scared of? Shhh... I'm right here! Shhhhhh..." He pulled his brother tight against his chest and held back tears at the sound of Sam breaking down completely into a fit of sobs. "Shhh...it's okay! I'm right here. You're okay, I'm right here. I've got you." Dean was completely out of ideas. So he just held him, wishing there was something he could do to calm him down.

Suddenly, Sam drew back and looked straight at him. "Dean?" Sam put his hand out and touched his brother's face, finally beginning to grasp a sense of reality. He let out a heavy sigh of relief and embraced his big brother.

Dean was still confused, but extremely happy that his brother wasn't freaking out any more. He hugged Sam back, and asked "what the heck just happened Sammy...are you okay?"

Sam drew back and began to sway from the lacking oxygen he had suffered in the previous 10 minutes. Dean quickly caught him and led him over to the bumper of the car so he wouldn't fall over.

"I...I don't..." Sam swallowed, still adjusting to everything his mind had just gone through.

"Take a deep breath buddy, it's alright." Dean encouraged, placing a hand on his back. Sam wiped the drying tears from his face and took a few shuddering breaths.

"I don't know what happened...it was.." Sam paused, searching for words to describe his thoughts. "It was like I was here one minute, and the next minute nothing felt real. Like I was in someone else's life. Like I had no idea who you were or what we were doing..."

"Well thank God you're okay. You scared the heck out of me." Dean took his hand off of his brother's back and ran his fingers through his own hair. "Let's get out of here."

And they did.

The End

Thank you for reading. Please comment and give feedback. Inbox requests. Thanks guys your comments mean the world to me.


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